The Legend of “Fake Man”

In a time long past, a robot that resembled a human male was created in an unknown place. Its creator was afraid of the robot becoming violent. The robot was only given basic programming about what men do, and software that made him never hurt anyone else. The fake man had the ability to learn, he just would not understand somethings. To test the creation, “fake man” was taken to a large town and released.

The fake man “knew” things such as giving and showing respect. He knew the first person to show respect to was himself. He was programmed to be hardworking and find a job. Above all he was positive, he knew too much negative thinking would effect the other men around him.

The first person he met was broke down on the side of the road. The tall middle-aged person was wary of the fake man. He had never seen anything like the robot man, not even in a movie. The robot man changed his tire in record time. The middle-aged school teacher in the Chicago Cubs hat was amazed. “Buddy, I do not know what you are or where you came from, but you are amazing. Come back to the bar with me and meet my friends.”

Everyone was impressed with the robot man. The creation could tell you the temperature, bowl a perfect 300 game, and cut the top of both beer cans and beer bottles right off! The man who was not alive became the life of every party. He understood and learned humor because he liked that the most. He became a library of jokes. He would help his friends out while telling the best new joke. How could you not like this guy?

People who met the fake man remember how much good advice he could give. He thought it important to learn that, he wanted to help his friends. A young man was upset other men did not show him respect. To this young man convinced the world was against him the fake man said, “Show yourself respect first thing in the morning. That way at least a man shows you respect each day. Use that respect to build both yourself and your family. In time I know you can earn your dreams.”

Simply put: the fake man did not hate anything. His metal mind never understood why other men did. “Most men who hate another man really hate something within themselves. The only way to cure this is a confrontation with yourself.”

The steel being did not speculate on conflict or rumors, he merely tried to help others when he could. When someone was mean to him, the metal man never let it get to him. He moved on. He once said, “If you saw a pile of dog poop would you step in it? Don’t! Move past it!” Others laughed, unaware of the metaphor.

Time passed and everyone in the city started telling the same stories about the fake man. The hilarious and helpful man who somehow always knew what to say. All of the positive somehow made people smile a bit more.

The robot man stopped working one day. He jumped in the lake when a rowboat capsized. The mom and kids all lived, he took them to shore one at a time. The amount of water in his circuits shorted him out. Everyone believed the story when they heard it. Anyone who ever met the fake man would have.

He is buried in Everglade Cemetery. His headstone has both a first and last name. The inscription reads: “Here lies a man great enough to teach others the meaning of their own lives. Friend to all, an enemy to none because of him I am someone.”