She was tired. The kind of tired where you could sleep for days and somehow feel more tired. She would awaken further stuck in a stasis, deeper in a pit of quicksand. Anything seemed like a good idea if only she had the energy to do it. Nothing was new, and there was sure nothing urgent. A small orange kitten was trying to get her attention. He squeaked as it swiped at the chair the woman sat in. It batted upward toward the air. At least one of them was amused.
The song her daughter set as her ringtone years ago now started to play. Her daughter never called anymore. She always texted. In that moment she was no longer tired. She knew something urgent needed attended to. There is a real strength to being needed by someone you care about. Her quick motions caused the kitten to fully retreat under the chair.
“Are you OK?” was how she answered the phone. Straight to the point, and a bit controlling like any parent. “Look, honey, if you want to talk about it just talk. We are past any judgment or punishment. I will listen. Say what is on your mind. Say what you wanna say.” Her own voice was a bit calmer and much more soothing. She slid her glasses up her long nose. They were too large for her face, she liked how they looked. In practice the large round rimmed brown glasses were just too darn heavy to stay on right.
If ever a parent says they will try to listen what they really mean is they will try not to interrupt you. A parent listens to their child in every way possible. A phone line was all they had. All this technology still does not compare to talking to someone who you know actually cares about you. There is an art to hearing emotion in someone’s voice. She eventually spoke: “When you are fighting does it escalate, or do you confront the problem?” This conversation was almost one sided. A long time passed before she tried to pass along any wisdom that she could. “You are not fighting him. You are fighting the problem together. Figure out a solution. If either of you is toxic that is what actually shows you what you really need to know. I could tell you to leave, or stay but you would do whatever you were ready to do.”
Shows changed on the t.v. The cat had begun trying to get her attention again. Much like the first time, the cat managed to amuse itself long before she ever noticed. The openness gave way to a long conversation about the past, present, and future “That is why communication is so important. If you can’t talk how would you talk it out?”
“Look, ya’ll fighting because you care about living in the right part of the country makes sense. You both CARE.” She did yell care, but in her defense it was necessary. She listened intently, hanging on each word. There were times her daughter talked fast about how she felt, or slow about what happened.
“Sweetie, no one keeps sour milk think about it. Everyone just throws it out.” She paused. “Have you ever seen someone hesitate to throw out sour milk?” You need to find what you will not throw out. Ideally it is the same for you and him. Find what you want to hold onto, that is what you build your life around because it is what you do not let go.” She countered a question with a question,”Are you growing apart?” Simple question: hard answer.
She also knew to assure her daughter at key times. She had done that since she was in a high chair. “You are right.” Such a simple yet important sentence. Simply having someone agree with you can make all of the difference. On of the greatest favors you can offer somebody is appreciation. Just listening to someone at times works wonders. “Oh trust me I believe that! People tell stories that justify their actions.” Eventually the conversation shifted away from the bad and onto some good the way it always does. They even laughed together. This did not disturb the kitten, now asleep under the footstool.
This conversation had a strange effect on both of them. They did not focus on anything other than their conversation. There can be great strength found in fighting together. Twenty years ago when you paid by the minute this conversation would have been worth every penny. Two tired people managed to find strength in each other. We all can give and receive strength; we have to choose to do it.
Never give up on life. Never give up on love.
That’s it, that’s all:
-Nathan Hall